A bridal shower should not be a huge extravaganza which includes every person on the wedding list. An affair such as that suggests that the bride is only interested in the gifts she receives, not in the company she shares with her guests. Remember, showers are meant to be intimate parties.  

My advice to you would be to speak with your sisters and be honest with them about the type of shower that would suit you. If you don't feel comfortable at large parties, let them know. You may also want to make your wishes known to your mom and your fiance's mom, so that whoever the potential hostess(es) is/are, they'll respect your feelings. Even if your bridal shower is to be a surprise, you can drop some hints as to the type of celebration you'd like. I think it would be best if your shower guest list consisted of only people who are on your wedding ceremony/reception guest list---this would avoid any awkward situations of someone being invited to one event and not the other.  If you have any other questions, please feel free to email or call me again at your convenience. Best wishes to you! 

at the wedding reception [if parents]\
at their wedding reception [if your names] 
of [insert your names if parents sending invitation] 

[insert day and date of reception] 
[insert time of reception] 
[insert location/address of reception] 

R.S.V.P. 

My advice would be to err on the side of inviting all your cousins and letting them decide how to respond to the invitation. If they don't feel very close to you or are far away geographically, they may decline to attend. But this way you haven't excluded any immediate family members or hurt anyone's feelings. It's easier to draw the line on limiting your guest list when it comes to acquaintances such as coworkers, etc.  I hope this helps you handle your dilemma. If you have any other concerns, feel free to email me or call me again at your convenience. 

Some suggestions that would make thoughtful wedding gifts, especially if you don't know your coworker very well, are: photo frames and/or albums for wedding portraits or honeymoon photos; cookbooks; scrapbook supplies, if you think your coworker and new spouse would enjoy making a scrapbook about their engagement/wedding/honeymoon; blank journal books that they could record details of their honeymoon; gift baskets filled with items for a gourmet dinner the newlyweds could make on their first night in their new home; any item in your price range from their bridal registry; and, of course, gift certificates or cash gifts. 

However, keep in mind the type of wedding you're planning and the time of the wedding will likely control your decision about attire. If you're planning a morning or early afternoon wedding and reception, it would be appropriate for the groom's father to wear a dark formal suit. If you're planning an evening affair, even if it's not a black tie function, the groom's father could wear a dark suit or a tuxedo. 

Whatever your decision, it's probably best for you and your fiance to be in agreement on it before opening the subject with your father-in-law to be. This should help to minimize any hard feelings. 

Most mothers tend to choose solid, pastel tones, but this depends on the mothers' taste as well as which colors suit their complexion. So traditionally it is not the bride's choice, but the mother of the bride's. If the mother of the bride has chosen a soft pastel colored dress, perhaps even ivory, it would be appropriate for the mother of the groom to wear a shade of ivory/off-white as well. If the mother of the bride has selected a more bold color, perhaps your wife could consider another, brighter color that would be suitable for her complexion too.

I hope this answers your question and resolves any family squabbles. 

Also is there a site or book or place with information with planning a second wedding.

Perhaps a compromise would be to have both your father and your son escort you, so no one is offended. As for your question on planning a second wedding, you'll find an informative article posted on the Atlantic City Weddings website which should be helpful to you.  To read the article please visit www.atlanticcityweddings.com/articles/secondweddings.htm.

If you're inclined, you may want to consider making a gift for the bride and groom. Handmade items such as needlepoint, knitted or crocheted afghans, for example, make lovely gifts that will be treasured by the couple for years to come. These items are often relatively inexpensive to make, though they do require some time to complete.

Whatever you decide to give the couple as a gift, it may be cliche but it is truly the thought that counts and I'm sure the couple will think of you fondly when they use your gift.

Although you're the father of the bride's fiancee, I would think these general guidelines would also apply. If there is no bitterness between the divorced parents and the bride asks you to sit with her dad, then I think it would be fine for you to be seated with him in the pew behind the mother of the bride and her spouse, if she's remarried. Otherwise, if the bride's mother objects or the whole situation becomes too awkward, you may feel more comfortable sitting elsewhere in the church with other family members. It sounds like this is a situation best discussed with you, your fiancee and the bride-to-be to see how best to resolve the situation without offending anyone.

Several years ago, a very close woman friend of mine asked one of our male friends to be her attendant. Likewise, the groom's best friend was a woman and he asked her to be his attendant. It was a beautiful ceremony and not at all awkward. In fact, it was refreshing. So while this may not be widespread, it has been done.

As for attire, your selection should be based on the formality of the wedding. At my friend's wedding, for example, both attendants wore formal suits since it was an afternoon wedding. Talk with the bride and groom and see what they have in mind as well. Whatever you decide to wear, enjoy the day as it's always an honor to be part of a friend's wedding!

However, I would strongly recommend that you discuss dress styles in general with the bride's mother before buying your dress. I think it's appropriate for you to defer to the mother of the bride, who in turn should select her attire based on the tone of the event as set by the bride. So if it's a formal affair and the mother of the bride chooses a long gown, you could follow suit. I think it would be awkward if your dress was more formal than the mother of the bride's.

Keep in mind these are just guidelines. Your selection should reflect not only the tone of the event, but your taste and style as well! Hope you find this information to be helpful.

Remember, it may be cliche, but it's true...it's the thought that counts! Happy shopping!

With regard to your second question, children over the age of 13 should receive separate invitations. so in your roommate's case, separate invitations should be sent to those adult children living with their parents.

I don't think posting a sign up sheet at work is appropriate. Instead, I think it would be better to leave an invitation at each coworker's desk or work station. If you don't know their last name, just address the outer envelope with their first name. As for those coworkers that you don't know their first names, you may want to reconsider including them on your guest list. I don't mean to be cold, but do you really want to invite people when you don't know their first name? Although it's a nice gesture to invite all your coworkers, you're not obligated to do so.

I think leaving the invitations at each person's work station is a much better alternative than posting a sign up sheet, which can be considered to be very impersonal.

While bridal registries are common today and serve a practical purpose by giving guests an idea of what the engaged couple needs for their new home together, it's not an outright request for gifts but rather a guide to be used by wedding guests. Though many guests do opt to give a monetary gift, even if the couple is registered, I think it's in bad taste to request money as a gift. Remember you're inviting your wedding guests to share in your happiness as you begin your married life together, not because you want a gift from them. Also, your guests may be offended by a request for a specific gift, rather than letting them select a gift for you.

I strongly disagree with your plans to insert a card with your invitations specifically requesting a gift of money. Rather than doing that, if you insist on asking for a monetary gift, I think it might be more tactful to ask your family members and close friends to pass along the word to other guests that you prefer a gift of money which you can apply to your savings for a new home.

You should spend only that amount that fits your budget. In planning a destination wedding, the bride and groom are aware that their guests will have to pay to travel to the resort and, as a result, may not be able to spend as much on a wedding gift. They certainly shouldn't expect you to "break the bank" to attend their wedding. The point is that the couple knows you're traveling to share in their happiness and I'm sure they'll appreciate whatever your wedding gift to them is.

Though traditionally junior bridesmaids are between the ages of 8 and 14, you may wish to have her serve as a junior bridesmaid, as your flower girl or to walk with you down the aisle. You should make your decision based on what is most comfortable for you and your daughter.

Traditionally, the bride's dress is a little different from any of her attendant's dresses, even if the dresses are similar in style. Again, it's up to you if you'd like your daughter's dress to match yours.

Expenses Paid by the Bride/Bride's Family include: 
a bridal consultant; invitations, announcements and enclosures; bride's wedding dress and accessories; flowers for ceremony and reception; bridesmaids' flowers; bride's bouquet; photographer and videographer; music for church and reception; transportation of bridal party to ceremony and from ceremony to reception; the reception; gifts for bride's attendants; bride's gift to groom; groom's wedding ring; awning rentals, if any, and carpet for church aisle; clergy's fee; a traffic  officer, if necessary; transportation and accommodations for officiant; accommodations for bride's attendants; and the bridesmaids' luncheon, if one is given by the bride.

Expenses Paid by the Groom/ Groom's Family include:
bride's engagement and wedding rings; groom's gift to bride; gifts for groom's attendants; accommodations for groom's attendants; boutonnieres for the groom's attendants; ties and gloves for the groom's attendants; bride's bouquet, if it's the local custom to do so; bride's going-away corsage; corsages for immediate members of both families; clergy's fees/donation; transportation and accommodations for the officiant; the marriage license; transportation of groom and best man to the ceremony; the honeymoon; the rehearsal dinner; the bachelor dinner, if the groom hosts a dinner; and transportation and accommodation of groom's parents.

Groom/Groom's Family Expenses include: 
bride's engagement and wedding rings; groom's present to bride; gifts for the groom's attendants; accommodations for the groom's attendants; boutonnieres, ties and gloves for the groom's attendants; bride's bouquet, if it's local custom to do so; bride's going-away corsage; corsages for immediate members of both families; the clergy's fee/donation; transportation and accommodation of officiant; the marriage license; transportation of groom and best man to ceremony; the honeymoon; the rehearsal dinner; the bachelor dinner, if the groom hosts a dinner; and transportation and accommodation of groom's parents.

Whether it's a formal or informal daytime wedding, either long or short dresses are considered appropriate attire for the mothers and stepmothers of the bride and groom.

Long ago it was considered taboo for a wedding guest to wear white at a wedding. But these days, that doesn't seem to be a concern anymore. So I think white, or any color you choose, would be fine. Enjoy the festivities! 

Your decision should be based on your own taste in selecting a gift and on your budget. It may sound trite, but remember it's the thought that counts!

Though there's no specific answer to your question, I would say if you haven't sent a gift already, you shouldn't feel obligated to  bring a gift to the party when the wedding's been cancelled. If you feel it would be awkward to go without a gift, it could be a small gift. Hope this solves your dilemma. 

As for the gift issue, you may want to spread the word to your guests when you speak with them that they should consider giving gifts that are easy to transport or ship home due to the fact that the bride and groom reside out of state. I don't think you should include that information on the invitation.

Another option would be for the guests to ship the gifts directly to the couple's home. Many stores that offer gift registries also offer shipping services to make it easier on the guest and the couple.

If you feel emotionally that you should wait a certain amount of time before remarrying, that's a personal decision. You should do what makes you feel comfortable and you should never rush into a marriage.

This reception may be as simple or formal as the groom's parents wish and as their budget permits. But it should never be an attempt to compete with the reception which immediately followed the ceremony. If the wedding invitations were issued in the name of the bride's family, the invitations to your later reception should not be mailed with the wedding invitations or announcements. Your invitations should be mailed about 2 weeks before the reception and can be written on your stationery. The invitations should include the wording "In honor of [insert bride's and groom's names]. If you decide on a formal party, you can send out engraved invitations. A wedding cake shouldn't be served. The bride may wear her wedding dress if she desires so that those guests who weren't able to attend the ceremony can see her dress. However, no other members of the bridal party should wear what they wore to the wedding ceremony. This reception can be held at your home or in a restaurant. Though there is no receiving line, the bride, groom and groom's parents should say near the door to greet their guests as they arrive. Your budget and your own personal taste will dictate what type, if any, music to have at the reception. A nice touch would be to display any photos of the wedding at this reception. I know this email includes a lot of information, but I hope it helps you in planning this later reception.

 In your case, since you're in the wedding and incurring expenses to travel to the wedding, you may want to consider contributing to a group gift with other out-of-town guests or other members of the bridal party. By pooling your money, you'd be able to give a larger monetary gift or buy or more substantial gift as a group. Remember, it's the thought that counts, not the actual amount of you monetary gift.

The proper format for the outer envelope would be:
Mr. and Mrs. Fred Jones, Jr. 

No abbreviations should be used in addressing the wedding invitations. If you use a person's middle name, it must be written out completely. If this guests full name is Frederick, for example, that would be more proper than using "Fred." However, "Junior" may be abbreviated. 

The correct format for the inner envelope would be: 
Mr. and Mrs. Jones. 

However, if this is an invitation to an intimate relative, the inner envelope can be addressed Aunt Susan and Uncle Fred, for example, or Fred and Susan.

In response to your question, you should give a gift to each couple, even if you don't know one of the grooms that well. Since it's obviously more expensive to give 2 gifts at the same time, you should determine what your gift-giving budget is before going shopping.

You should try to spend a similar amount on each gift,so each couple is treated equally. However, don't feel limited in your gift selection. You needn't give the same gift to both couples. Remember a double wedding is unique and each couple is also separate and distinct.

As for the bridal shower, though close friends are a likely choice to host a shower, I would be reluctant to do so in your case if you're not invited to the ceremony. Traditionally, all bridal shower guests should be invited to the wedding. While I'm sure your wish to host the shower is your expression of sharing in your friend's and her daughter's happiness, this may be a delicate situation if you're not invited to the wedding. You could discuss your plans to host a party with your friend and see how she feels about it. Another option may be to host a party for the newlywed bride after the wedding, not calling it a "bridal shower."

Other suggestions would be to do a search using the words "second weddings" or visit the site "Ask Jeeves" for information. Hope this information is helpful to you. 

Hope this information helps you to decide on the amount of your gift. Enjoy the wedding!

While it is quite unfortunate that you are ending your marriage after only 6 months, sometimes it is for the better to find this out early in a marriage. Best of luck to you in the future!

Since you're hosting the dinner, it is your decision as to how elaborate or simple the event will be. The etiquette guidelines recommend that the invitation list should include: the bridal party and their spouses/significant others, the bride's parents, grandparents of the bride and groom, and the clergy person performing the ceremony. I would also add to this list anyone doing readings, offerings or otherwise participating in the wedding ceremony.

I can tell you from personal experience that these days rehearsal dinners have grown to be quite large and often include family and close friends who're attending the wedding from out of town. Although that's a nice gesture, the purpose of the rehearsal dinner isn't to invite all those guests who've traveled to attend the wedding. I personally prefer smaller than larger rehearsal dinners, but that decision is up to you and your husband as the parents of the groom.

As the hosts of this dinner, you and your husband should set the tone regarding how large/small an affair you'd like to plan as well as what would fit within your budget. My best advice to you is to discuss your wishes on the type of dinner you're planning with your son and his bride so there are no misunderstandings.

Good luck to you!

As for the toasts, the recommended guidelines are that the best man makes the first toast to the bride and groom, and then other members of the bridal party may offer toasts as well if they wish. Next the groom toasts his bride and his new parents-in-law.

This is very upsetting to my husband as well as my children. What is the proper thing to do in this situation? The reason her mother will not let us pay is so she can have total control. She said she  is having security at the wedding if anyone other than the two of us show up, and she will not hesitate to have them arrested. My husband has always been close to his daughter and stayed in constant contact with her as well as paying all her bills and school expenses and child support. The mother does not even have a  job and cannot be paying for! the wedding herself to the best of our knowledge. What should be done?? Thank You for your response.

Today's trend is for the bride's and groom's families to share in the wedding expenses. This is probably because the costs of the wedding have become very expensive and also from the groom's desire to become more involved in the planning of the wedding ceremony and reception.

From your description of the situation, it sounds like hostile feelings abound. My advice to you and your family is to see if you, your husband, the bride and groom, and the bride's mom can talk things out and reach a temporary truce. It would be a good idea to include the groom's parents too. Though emotions can run high when planning a wedding, everyone's overall focus should be the bride and groom and respecting their wishes. Remember, this is the bride's and groom's special day and no one should "control" the planning of the wedding. Perhaps the bride and groom need to take the initiative and remind everyone of this. If the bride and groom make it clear they want all members of their large and "blended" family to be included in the wedding, everyone should respect that no matter what. On the other hand, some brides prefer to have their mom take charge and plan the whole wedding. If this is the case, then that decision should be respected as well. Maybe by talking things out, everyone can agree to put aside any feelings of ill will, albeit temporary.

Good luck to you and your family!

You may want to check with the bride or someone in her family to determine whether this will be a formal or informal event so you can make your dress selection.

As for the wedding gifts, you can use a picnic table or an outdoor table as your gift table. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it would be nice if it resembles the table where your wedding cake will be displayed. You could even use folding tables covered with disposable paper tablecloths for your cake and gift tables.

When you invite someone to an event, it's understood that they are your guest and you (as the host/hostess) will be covering the expenses. It would be in poor taste, in my opinion, to expect your guests to foot the bill.

If serving a meal to your wedding guests is not within your wedding budget, consider some less expensive options. Suggestions include: serving cake and a light beverage (as you inquired about in your other email); serving only appetizers (example: vegetables and dip) in addition to the wedding cake and beverage; or serving an assortment of cookies/pastries and coffee/tea along with the wedding cake. You can also scale down the number of people on your guest list to help stay within your budget. I think it's a nice gesture to simply serve wedding cake and a light beverage (sparkling cider, punch, iced tea, etc.) after your ceremony if your budgetary constraints prevent you from serving a full meal to your wedding guests. Remember the important thing is your guests are sharing this important day with you and offering them a light refreshment is a nice way to show them you appreciate them being with you to share the day.

I'm sure the store where you ordered the invitations could help you with these details, if you decide to mail out announcements.

As for inviting your father's cousin's brother, that depends on the closeness of your relationship with him. If you don't feel especially close to this cousin's brother and don't normally celebrate holidays/family events with him, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite him to the wedding. An alternative may be to send out a wedding announcement to this cousin and any other distant relatives who were not invited to your wedding. Wedding announcements don't carry the obligation of sending a gift.

I don't think it's appropriate to bring a close friend with you (female or male) when the invitation was addressed to you and your fiance. If you feel strongly about bringing a close female friend with you, I would strongly recommend that you speak with the bride to ask if this would be acceptable. Hope this helps you resolve your concerns. 

Question: Who do I ask to walk me down the aisle my dad or stepdad?
Second question is my father and step father are kind of arguing over who will walk me down the aisle. I grew up with my step dad, wasn't extremely close but he is the one who supported me, a few years ago my biological dad started talking to me, I don't want to hurt either one's feelings.

As for who'll walk you down the aisle, if you don't want to hurt your dad's or stepdad's feelings, I think the best compromise may be to ask both of them to escort you. If you or one of them is uncomfortable with this, I recommend that you have some other special role or function for the one who won't be accompanying you down the aisle. This way, even if only 1 of them escorts you down the aisle, the other will feel he's still playing an important part in your wedding. It's your judgment call as to what will work best for you and your family in this situation.

I would recommend that the mothers of the bride and groom try to attend as many of the bridal showers as possible, distance and budgets permitting. I think it's an excellent opportunity to get to know the other side of the family in an relaxed setting.

My suggestion would be to try to find out what some of the other women will be wearing to the dinner. If it seems that most women will be wearing cocktail dresses, I would recommend you do the same. Consider it an excuse to go shopping to buy a fancy cocktail dress, if you don't have one in your closet.