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One of the
oldest and longest standing jokes is that it's all about the dress,
namely, making sure the bride looks much, much better than her
bridesmaids. Then there's the line that goes "you'll be able
to wear your bridesmaid dress again for cocktail parties and dressy
occasions like New Year's." For the groom and groomsmen the
following may sound familiar..."just tell me what to wear and when
to show up." In reality, while there may be some truth to the
statements above, today's bridal parties are becoming more involved with
the wedding planning process from choosing their attire to planning fun
and exciting parties that are an alternative to the traditional bridal
showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties. Here's a look at
the traditional roles and responsibilities of the bridal party along
with some alternative ideas.
Choosing
the Bridal Party
Choosing
your bridal party can be a difficult decision for many couples,
especially if you have many close friends and relatives that you would
like to have in your party. Sometimes it can come down to drawing
straws. A couple things to keep in mind when choosing your party:
- The
financial obligation of being in your wedding party can be
considerable. Perhaps one of the people you're considering is
on a tight budget and would rather be a guest or usher without the
added financial obligations? Couldn't hurt to ask them.
- You do
not have to invite someone to be in your bridal party because you
were in their wedding party.
- You do
not need to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
- You
shouldn't feel obligated to include family members - ex. if you have
five sisters and are only having three bridesmaids you may just want
to include friends instead.
- Is
someone that you're considering for your bridal party expecting a
child or hoping to start a family soon? If so, discuss this
with the bridal shop so that any dress you order will fit your
bridesmaid correctly.
- General
rule of thumb is 1 bridesmaid and groomsman for every 50 guests. Few
people adhere to this but if you're having a very small, informal
wedding a large bridal is not appropriate and would seem out of
place.
- Flower
girls & ring bearers are not required.
Bridal
Party Responsibilites
Maid
of Honor
The Maid of
Honor's main responsibilities are to assist the bride with planning the
wedding, provide a bridal shower and help the bride on the day of the
wedding.
- Assist
the bride with wedding planning including last minute details.
- Organize
and plan a bridal shower with the bridesmaids.
- Help the
bride with choosing bridesmaid gowns and coordinate the fitting with
the bridesmaids.
- Help the
bride with her train, veil and dress the day of the wedding.
Alert the bride if her makeup is smudged, etc.
- Greet
guests in the receiving line with the bride and groom.
- During
the wedding ceremony, hold the bride's bouquet.
- If there
is no ringbearer, hold the groom's wedding ring.
- Witness
and sign the wedding license, if necessary.
- Pose for
pictures with the bride & groom.
- Dance
with the best man for the first dance.
- After the
reception, assist the bride in changing out of the wedding gown.
- Help
bring gifts and any other personal items back to the bride's house
after the wedding.
- Pay for
all bridesmaid attire including shoes and hosiery and travel
expenses to attend the wedding but not flowers. Accommodations
for the bridesmaids are usually provided by the bride's family.
Traditionally it is expected that each woman will fix her own hair
and makeup so any hair and makeup expenses may or my not be covered
by the bride's family.
Best
Man
- Plan the
bachelor party or alternative outing for the groom.
- Attend
bachelor party or alternative party or event to honor the groom.
- Make sure
the groom arrives at the church on time.
- The groom
will provide the payment for the officiant and the best man gives
the payment to the officiant following the ceremony.
- If there
is no ring bearer, hold the bride's wedding ring.
- Witness
and sign the wedding license, if necessary.
- May be
asked to greet guests in the receiving line with the bride and
groom.
- Pose for
pictures with the bride & groom.
- Dance
with the maid of honor for the first dance.
- Gives a
toast to the bride and groom.
- After the
reception, assist the groom in changing out of formalwear.
- Escort
the bride and groom to their limousine when they are ready to leave
(or drive the bride and groom to the hotel or airport).
- Help
bring gifts and any other personal items back to the bride's house
after the wedding.
- May be
asked to return formalwear (some stores now offer pick-up service).
- Pay for
formal attire rental and travel to the wedding. Groomsmen
accommodations are paid by the groom and his family.
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Groomsmen
- Help
the best man plan the bachelor party or alternative outing
for the groom.
- Help
seat guests and hand out programs at the ceremony.
- Unroll
the aisle runner if necessary.
- May
be asked to help with valet parking especially for elderly
or disabled guests.
- Help
the best man plan the bachelor party or alternative outing
for the groom.
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- Attend
bachelor party or alternative party or event to honor the
groom.
- At
the end of the ceremony, make sure guests have directions to
the reception site.
- Pose
for pictures with the bride & groom.
- Pay
for formal attire rental and travel to the wedding.
Groomsmen accommodations are paid by the groom and his
family.
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Bridesmaids
- Assist
the bride and maid of honor with wedding planning including last
minute details.
- Help the
maid of honor plan the bridal shower.
- Pose for
pictures with the bride & groom.
- May be
asked to greet guests in the receiving line with the bride and
groom.
- Pays for
all bridesmaid attire including shoes and hosiery and travel
expenses to attend the wedding but not flowers. Accommodations
for the bridesmaids are usually provided by the bride's family.
Traditionally it is expected that each woman will fix her own hair
and makeup so any hair and makeup expenses may or may not be covered
by the bride's family.
Financial
Responsibilities of the Bridal Party
The
bridesmaids and maid of honor are expected to pay for their dresses,
hosiery and shoes along with their travel expenses to attend the
wedding. They are not typically required to pay for hair and makeup or
matching jewelry. If you would like your attendants to wear
matching necklaces or to have stylish updos with matching flowers in
their hair, this generally becomes the financial responsibility of the
bride and her parents. In some instances, a necklace that each
bridesmaid will wear at the wedding may be given as a bridal party
gift. Another option is to discuss your ideas with your bridal
party including financial costs. If you get a great deal on your
dresses your bridal party may choose to pay for their own hair and
makeup. The bride's family is also expected to provide
accommodations for the bridesmaids and maid of honor.
The
groomsmen and best man are expected to pay for their tuxedos, shoe
rental, and travel to the wedding. The groom and his family are
expected to provide accommodations for the groomsman and best man.
Asking a
Member of the Bridal Party to Step Down
Hopefully
having to ask a bridal party member to step down won't happen to you
but in some events it does. In most cases it really isn't
appropriate to ask a bridal party member to step down but it can be
done. Here is one question we received from a bride in our Ask
Elaine Etiquette Section of the site.
Question:
Someone that I had asked to be a bridesmaid has proven to be
someone that is causing me stress! How do I ask this person to
step down and tell her that I no longer want her to be a part of this
day?
Answer:
Your
situation truly poses a dilemma and should be handled gingerly. Rather
than asking this attendant to step down, I would first try talking
with her to explain the additional stress she's causing you. She may
not know the stress she's causing and may change her behavior if you
tell her what's bothering you. If that doesn't help to clear the air
and resolve your differences, you may feel you have no choice but to
ask her not to be part of your wedding. However, I would strongly
recommend that should be your last resort. Presumably this person is a
friend but whether she's a friend or relative, it's almost certainly
the end of your relationship if you ask her to step down.
Bridal
Shower
The maid
of honor usually plans the bridal shower with the help of the
bridesmaids. Typically gifts are household items from toasters
to towels and the bride may register for both shower and wedding gifts
at one or more stores.
For
couples who have been married before or who have been living on their
own for some time (i.e. - they already have cookware, towels, etc)
there are some great alternatives. Christmas Ornament showers
are a fun idea. Instead of getting a cheap ornament each guest
at the shower can purchase a unique, pricier ornament that will be a
keepsake for years to come. Other creative ideas include
favorite recipe showers or chipping in on a gift card to a home
improvement store.
Bachelor/Bachelorette
Parties
While
bachelor parties are not entirely outdated the traditional ideas of a
bachelor party, a night at a risque club, are becoming a bit passé
not to mention politically incorrect. But to be fair, women now
have the option of their own bachelorette party complete with hunky
Chippendales to dance the night away.
If risqué
parties aren't your style, alternatives to a bachelor party include a
"guys night out" at a sports bar, golf outings, white water
rafting or a camping weekend. Alternatives to a bachelorette
party can include scrapbooking parties, lingerie parties, a
"pamper yourself" party or an evening dinner cruise.
Some other
alternatives include a Jack & Jill Party to replace a bridal
shower and bachelor party. This can be a great idea especially
if both the bride and groom have mutual friends. Getting
together with all your friends for a party would probably be a lot
more fun and a lot more memorable than watching people you don't know
strut and jiggle their so-called "stuff."
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