By Rev.
Riana Milne, MA, LPC
Professional Counselor & Inter-Faith Minister
Below are the topics that most couples have issues with throughout
their relationship. It is best to discuss these issues up front, in a
calm and loving manner with the assistance of a Professional Counselor,
so they are less likely to be troublesome in your marital or primary
relationship.
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| Money and Finances
 Will
you have a joint checking account? Who will take care of the joint
bills? Will both partners work? How will the income be dispersed? How
much spending money should each partner have for the week? How will
taxes be paid? Do you want to purchase a home? How will it be financed?
How is your credit report at this time-Have you shown each other your
credit status? Will there be a limit on credit card spending? How much
money per week should be allocated for a
date/night/entertainment/travel?
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| Children
 Do
you each want children? How many? What religion will you raise them? Is
the sex of the child important? Have you discussed names? Is a college
education important for your children? If so, how will you plan for
that? Who will raise the child-stay home in the early months? Do you
both agree on childcare-what type and at what age? How will the duties
of childcare be split (night feedings, diapers, bathing, feeding, night
time rituals and homework)?
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| In-Laws
 How
do you currently get along with each other's parents? Is there stress,
and why? Do one set of parents get overly involved in your daily
activities as a couple? What if they mettle with your important
decisions? Can you put your marital relationship first above your
parental relationship? How much time will you give to your
parents/week/month? Where will you spend what holidays? What is the
protocol on gifts for holidays and birthdays? Would you ever borrow
money from your in-laws; if so, how would it be handled?
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| Sexual Intimacy
 Have
you ever had an open discussion on each other's sexual needs and
desires? If there is a discomforting topic, have you discussed it
thoroughly? Does one partner want to do something the other is not
willing to do- how will you handle this? How much sex is enough or not
enough week/month? What will happen during pregnancy and if you have
children? Do you agree to continue to date as lovers-each week, even
after the "newness" wears off? What are the types of intimate
dates and settings that are important for you to have?
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| Blending of Families
 If
there are children from prior relationships, there are special issues
that need to be addressed. Who is the disciplinarian of whose children?
How will affection be expressed? Are the children happy about the
impending marriage-or showing signs of distress and jealousy (anger,
acting-out, withdrawing, whining, clinginess, fighting with future
siblings)? Where will the new family live-are the children loosing space
in their territory (bedroom) by needing to share? What will the new
purchases be to start a new live together? Are you willing to enter into
family counseling if the children are having trouble adjusting?
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| Religion
 What
religion will you choose as a family-what holidays will be observed, and
where will you spend these holidays? How often will you attend religious
services? What faith will you raise your children?
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| Sit down with your
partner and discuss each question. See how many opinions and
responses match your partner's. If you have difficulties deciding
on many of the answers together, now is the time to contact a
Professional Counselor like Riana, who will help you negotiate these
very important issues BEFORE you are married. Communication and
compromise are key to a successful marriage! |
