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It
wasn't long ago that second weddings were considered taboo if
divorce was part of the picture. Whether a marriage was
through divorce or death, second weddings were often a simple
affair; a civil ceremony in the mayor's office or perhaps a small,
backyard wedding where the bride wore a suit or a cocktail dress.
Take The Brady Bunch for example. Couples who |
are
planning a second wedding today may be old enough to remember this
popular sitcom that aired from 1969-1974. What you may not
know is that when the series premiered in 1969 there was still
quite a stigma attached to divorce so the creators of the show
wanted the audience to believe that Mike & Carol were both
widowed. Thankfully, things have changed a lot since the
cocktail dress era of The Brady Bunch.
Today,
couples tying the knot again, for whatever reason, have more
choices than ever, from the wedding dress to the type of ceremony. |
What to Wear
There are many choices for brides planning to remarry. While
most etiquette books agree that a long train and a veil are inappropriate,
brides marrying again can choose from long bridal gowns or the suit or
cocktail dress. While off-white still seems to be the first choice,
white is no longer out of the question. White is now considered more
synonymous with joy than virginity. Depending on your age, you may
feel more comfortable in an elegant suit or cocktail dress than a bridal
gown - but the choices are there! For a headpiece consider flowers,
a tiara, a hat or possibly a very simple off-the-face veil. The
local bridal shops have great suggestions as well, so be sure to ask!
The Ceremony
A big issue in a second wedding is the ceremony. Depending upon
your religious affiliation, a church ceremony may or may not be a viable
option. Many couples have voiced strong feelings regarding this and
feel that a simple civil ceremony does not convey the sentiment and
feelings they would like. Ask your local clergyman if he can perform
the ceremony for you at your location. Another option is to hire an
interfaith clergyman or the town mayor. One local couple also
recommended rentapriest.com.
Weddingmoons, or
destination weddings, are also very popular options with couples
remarrying especially if they have no children. A weddingmoon
combines your wedding and honeymoon in one location for one all-inclusive
price. All the planning is pretty much done for you. For more
information see also our article on weddingmoons: Weddingmoons
- A First Hand Account of a Caribbean Weddingmoon.
Including
Children in the Ceremony
One of the biggest issues of remarriage can be the children. If
both the bride and groom have children from a prior marriage, making them
all feel like one happy family can be a bit more complicated than the
Brady Bunch. One way to make the children feel special is to include
them in the ceremony as flowergirls, ringbearers, groomsmen or bridesmaids
or in a special "family medallion" ceremony. In a family
medallion ceremony jewelry may be given to the children as a way of
symbolizing their importance in your life. It is also a great way for the
stepparent to make a child feel special. There are special
medallions specifically for this type of ceremony - www.familymedallion.com,
or you can choose your own jewelry or some other special gift.
Gifts
Because many couples getting married for a second time have all the
traditional items such as china and flatware, they often feel
uncomfortable registering for gifts. Plus, many of the guests who
dished out money at the first wedding will be attending this wedding.
Most etiquette books agree that you still can register for gifts.
With second weddings another option is to have friends chip in together on
a larger item like a home-theater system or a piece of furniture.
Some other popular alternatives include gift certificates or gift cards to
home improvement centers, or a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of
gifts. Honeymoon registries are also becoming more popular.
The idea is that couples can register different parts of their trip, from
the airfare to a special excursion or day trip. Cash is often an
easy option and a much appreciated gift, or a half-cash, half-gift combo -
decide how much you wish to spend for the couple and give half in cash and
spend the other half on a gift.
If you're planning
a second wedding let us know what gifts you most could use for a future
article. info@atlanticcityweddings.com
Announcing the
Engagement
While formal announcements are not necessary for a second wedding, if
you are remarrying after a divorce, your divorce should be final before
announcing the engagement. Many parents choose to tell their children
about their engagement in private since it can be an emotional issue for
many children.
Invitations
& Invitation Wording
For second weddings of 50 guests or less, invitations are not
required. A phone call or informal note is ok. Many couples
planning intimate second weddings of 50 guests or less make their own
invitations - either by hand or on the computer. For second weddings
with more than 50 guests, formal, printed invitations are still the norm.
Sample Wording:
Couple remarrying,
paying for the wedding themselves:
Yoko Ono &
John Lennon
request the honour of your presence
at their wedding......
Couple remarrying,
paying for the wedding together along with help from both sets of parents:
Yoko Ono &
John Lennon
together with their parents
request the honour of your presence
at their wedding...
Couple remarrying
with children,
Yoko Ono &
John Lennon
together with their children
request the honour of your presence
at their wedding...
Pre Nuptial
Agreements
If you've been through a divorce you already realize that a
pre-nuptial agreement can be to your benefit. On the other hand, you
certainly don't expect to fail again at marriage. It is generally
recommended that couples with significant assets and children should
consider having a pre-nuptial agreement drawn up. If you own a house
in your own name that can be another issue. A pre-nuptial agreement
can help protect funds either party may have set up for their child's
college education, retirement, etc.. in the, unlikely event the marriage
fails. Again, hammering this out ahead of time may be in your best
interest if you have significant assets.
Planning the
Reception & Beyond
Couples today have more choices than ever when it comes to planning a
second wedding, or third, or... What's more - the bride and groom
are often more likely to do more, if not all, of the wedding planning
themselves. The wedding and the reception become more about what the
couple wants and reflect a lot more of their taste and individuality.
Themed weddings are just one example of this.
While a lot of
remarriages still lean toward smaller, elegant affairs many are often just
as elaborate. This is especially true for men remarrying a second
time if they choose a bride who hasn't married before. While this
doesn't seem quite right this is often the case because a brides parents
should not be expected to foot the bill twice. For this reason, many
couples who remarry finance the whole wedding themselves or with only
limited help from both sets of parents. It is also becoming apparent
that couples remarrying are better able to set a budget and they spend
less money on some items and more on others.
Perhaps most
important to remember, as one bride summed it up: "It may be your
second wedding, but it's your first wedding with him."
Books &
Magazines
- Bride
Again - a new magazine for the "encore bride" features
in-depth articles and ideas on remarriage. Not easy to find
everywhere, but at larger news stands and book stores you should be
able to find it.
- Emily Post
on Second Weddings: Answers To All Your Questions About Getting
Married Again - the goddess of wedding etiquette answers the tough
questions on second weddings.
Other Resources
Some informative articles from other sources on the internet:
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